Modern Love

Sydney Morning Herald

Thursday June 28, 2007

Jacqueline Maley; Keith Austin

You may think opinion on plasma TVs is divided by gender, but read on ...

She says

Not since the advent of championship wrestling or its newer and more violent cousin, Ultimate Fighting Championship, have men become so excited about something so ridiculous.

From a feminine perspective, it's just a TV. But to a man, the plasma screen television represents much more. It is a gateway to pleasure, a bonding tool and, when it comes to impressing your mates, it is better than dating a Sports Illustrated covergirl.

Men like to watch shows that feature violence, forensic science, time travel, cars and weaponry. All of these subjects are enhanced, apparently, by the bigness and clear picture of the plasma screen.

Women, on the other hand, prefer televisual entertainment featuring plot-lines, characters and dialogue. With the exception of plot-lines involving George Clooney or that hot guy from Las Vegas, none of these things is enhanced by a large screen.

Some of my best TV evenings were spent as a university student, in front of a free black-and-white "kitchen" TV with a 10-centimetre screen.It was during the heady Golden Era of television, when the love triangle between Joey, Dawson and Pacey was at breaking point, and when Melrose Place had jumped the shark and begun flirting with supernatural themes. In the midst of such drama, how could we fret over the size or clarity of our TV screen? Superior forms of entertainment do not require plasma screens to preach their message - they've got Katie Holmes to do that for them.

Jacqueline Maley

He says

You may know by now that my female Modern Love counterpart and I do not compare notes before we write our respective pearls. We agree a subject and away we go. The two points of view only cosy up together on the final page - and yet somehow we always manage to disagree. I suspect this week will, however, be different. I have a friend (female) who, every time she comes to our shack, complains about our two TVs. She cannot understand why we are still watching televisions larger than the average Bangladeshi home. Why? she asks plaintively. Why?

For some reason, the answer "they both still work" isn't enough. We need to be upgrading to something with a bigger screen, she says, something slimmer and with something called plasma in it. Isn't plasma something to do with the spaceship warp drives in Star Trek? I'm sure Geordi and Data are always dribbling on about warp core overload and plasma injection coils or some such. I know, obviously I watch too much sci-fi but that's my point - I watch it just as well on our huge, lumbering antique. (The last time I saw anything like our TV on TV it was in the Indian Ocean supposedly having children thrown out of it.)

So you can keep your plasma and your LCD or whatever. At least until our TVs explode. We're going plasma only with a bang, not a whimper.

Keith Austin

© 2007 Sydney Morning Herald

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