Cornered
The Sunday Age
Sunday December 3, 2006
THE continuing depredations of Kim Jong-Il have obliged the US government to block the export to North Korea of various items deemed essential to a modern tyrant's lifestyle. This eclectic list of comforts includes iPods, jet skis, Cognac, Segway scooters, Rolex watches, plasma TVs, Fender Stratocasters, caviar, and furs, both real and fake. It is expected that the aggressive prosecution of these sanctions will ensure that Mr Jong-Il will suffer a grievous lack of self esteem, pine away and, in due course, expire.
While there is no doubting the serious intent of the US authorities, we perceive some flaws in this tactic. There is a strong likelihood that the wily dictator, anticipating such action, already has a warehouse stacked to the rafters with the finest Beluga for his personal use. It is also likely he already has a Fender Stratocaster for every day of the year, and that his palatial wardrobe contains enough faux-ocelot bomber jackets to last him, and his descendants, several lifetimes. There are also historical precedents that cast doubt on this method's efficacy. Even revisionist historians agree that banning the export of moustache wax to the Third Reich did little to discourage Mr Hitler. Similarly, denying Mr Castro bubble gum only exacerbated the troubles of the Cuban people, while depriving Mr Milosevic of an electric personal groomer merely made him more unruly. Advocates of personalised blockade should be also aware that such action would invite retaliatory sanctions. Though it would not trouble the majority of our citizens, a selective ban on the export to Australia of polyester/viscose leisure wear, bespoke carpet slippers, coarse-cut marmalade and English breakfast tea would severely inhibit the efficiency of our Prime Minister. It is likely that his hitherto acute political judgement would falter, and that Australia would once again find itself groaning under the socialist yoke. If the US government is serious about containing the greatest threat to freedom since the last one, it must abandon this lame, some would say piffling, strategy. The time is ripe to insert a crack commando team into Mr Il-Jong's salubrious bunker, a deadly cohort of trained professionals who will ruthlessly and efficiently short-sheet the midget Caligula's bed. That'll fix him. adyson@theage.com.au
© 2006 The Sunday Age